January 11, 2008
• Second Amendment Offsets
Spanning the globe, Concealed came across this little poke at global warming and Al Gorian Carbon OffSets.
Posted by: BillH in GunsIt’s an idea whose time has come. And frankly, I’m surprised that no one has figured this one out yet. So I’m jumping in here and announcing that I am offering my services in the brand new business of “Second Amendment Offsets”.
Do you live in a state that
won’t allow you protects you from the unspeakable dangers associated with owning a firearm? Do you have small children in your home? Or not so small children? Don’t want the hassle of bore snakes, cleaning patches, solvents, or fancy lubricating formulas messing up your workbench? To say nothing about the time it takes to actually use all of those things? Or has your wife forbidden you to bring an evil black rifle into the house? Does the thought of owning a precision handgun, or perhaps a 600 yard bolt action rifle seem like an impossible dream? No longer!
“Second Amendment Offsets, NLC” has a unique service, specifically designed for your personal challenging situation. Now you too can participate in the beloved freedoms afforded by the Second Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, regardless of your circumstances. The idea is stunningly simple, and oh so easy! For the same out of pocket costs others enjoy, now you too can exercise your virtual rights of gun ownership. Here’s how it works…
First, decide what level of offset meets your needs. There are no limits here. If your needs are simply a small carry piece, say a Kel Tec in .380, we can do that. Or, if you require something like an underfolding AK 47, that service is available also. Like I said, no limits here.
Second, send in your offset payments. S.A.O.,NLC will purchase your exact level of participation in the Second Amendment. For no extra charge, you will receive regular updates concerning the performance of your offset. These updates will include range reports, targets, and often photographs of your offsets in actual use. Names are strictly optional, and entirely up to you (the staff is a grown-up, he understands, and he will not laugh). Of course, if your level of activity only requires hiding under the bed, we can provide those services as well. While safe queens are a limited type of offset, we have plenty of room for closet companions and shelf buddies. Would you like offsets for concealed carry? We can arrange that as well. And don’t forget to ask about hunting offsets, during legal seasons of course (game offsets are NOT offered however).
Third, rest in quiet assurance that you are doing all you can to help the Second Amendment. No more worries about angry wives, or the children getting into unsafe situations. You’ll never have an accident, nor have to make the decision “what do I feed it?”… You retain full bragging rights too, and the political benefits are amazing.
Fourth, simply believe. You really CAN have it both ways. And so can I.
(Man, this is genius, and if this takes off, I’m gonna need a bigger safe. WooHoo!)
And yes, these services can be provided for campaigning politicians. For Democrats, Second Amendment offsets are an obvious solution for attracting those one-or-two-conservative-issue liberal voters. And for you RINOs, you’ll never be embarrassed in a debate by your non-ownership problems again. Hurry, before it’s too late to
save your sorry campaign take advantage of this amazing offer.
This entry was posted on Thursday, January 10th, 2008 at 6:42 pm and is filed under Guns